Cultivating Community

Panera is wonderful. I love coming here, the atmosphere is incredible. There is always soft music in the background that can be slightly heard over the sounds of blenders and sweet conversions. This is definitely a place I can come to enjoy friends, feel inspired or get work done.

I’m waiting for my friend Emmie. Everyone needs an Emmie in their life. She has been a big sister to me and honestly feels more like family than a friend. She’s a good listener, never ceases to make me laugh and always has time for me when I’m in town. She brings people together and canmake a friend with almost anyone. Her gifts and passion for people help to truly cultivate community.

As graduation approaches quickly, I’m reminded of the many lessons God has taught me during my time at SEBTS. I have so enjoyed learning from my church, my friends and my classes. One consistent lesson has been in the area of cultivating community. Almost three years ago I was fresh out of college and was spending a summer as an intern with my church in Bluffton, South Carolina. As a female intern, I was helping to lead Bible studies and disciple young women. In turn, our college pastor’s wife was pouring her life into ours. This was such a blessing. One evening, while we were meeting in their summer apartment, she turned to me and said that there was something she just couldn’t put her finger on. She felt that I was open and shared life with others, but there was just something missing. I stayed behind after the others left to talk with her and pray further. God began something that day in me that has radically changed my life.

“Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we aremembers one of another.” (Ephesians 4:25)
“Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” (Proverbs 27:17)
“Listen to advice and accept instruction,that you may gain wisdom in the future.” (Proverbs 19:20)

You see, I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t in church. I have a wonderful family that loves God and serves Him passionately. I’ve been blessed to have great community but it wasn’t until that summer that I learned I had not been taking full advantage of it. I struggled with authenticity. It was easy to share situations or circumstances in my life but not … me. I couldn’t share my struggles or weaknesses. I knew all the “right” verses and “right” responses. Somewhere along the way I had learned how to fake them. In fact, I was so good at it that I fooled myself. Whenever I shared a struggle with someone I would always follow it up with a “But God…” statement. And yes,these statements were true. God was (and is) sovereign, in control, loving and good. He is all those things I claimed Him to be. However, in the midst of struggle, my heart struggled with truly believing the words I was speaking. In turn, I denied my community the gift of loving me. For example, in the midst of my grandparents divorce or a difficult break-up I “told” my friends the circumstances but I didn’t tell them the deep struggles that were plaguing my heart. I didn’t share about the anger, doubt, bitterness, sadness or sense of loss. I talked the “spiritual lingo,”painted on a smile and “carried on.”

“But God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, that there may be nodivision in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. If one member suffers, allsuffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together.” (1 Corinthians 12:24b-26)

This blog can’t truly suffice the journey the last three years have been in learning to cultivate deep community. However, I can tell you that the more transparent I am with my friends, the deeper our friendship. Look around and see the people that God has placed in your life. Have you truly let them in? Do they know the parts of your heart that are the “ugliest?” Don’t be afraid to let them in.

“Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, fromwhom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.” (Ephesians 4:15-16)

After that summer I moved to Wake Forest and started at Southeastern. God put three lovely ladies into my lifethat I had never met before; Kara & Megan (my terrific roommates) and Courtney (our neighbor). I’ll never forgetthe day that I came home from class and just knew I was supposed to tell Courtney everything. And when I sayeverything, I mean everything. God had been working on my heart and I knew it was time to turn His lessons intoaction. There were some sins that were still causing me to live in shame. I had never shared the depth of thosethings with anyone. I timidly asked Courtney if I could share something with her. As the words and tears spilledout, I expected her to look at me differently. I expected our friendship to change. And you know what? It didchange. It got deeper. As I looked into her eyes I felt the sweet feelings of acceptance and love. It was that day thatI began to see the true beauty of relationships when they are real and reflect the love of our Father.

Almost three years later I can look back and see how those three women have been used by God to speak into my life and challenge me to cling to the Cross and depend more on the Lord than I ever have before. Please spend time with the Lord today and see if there are any “walls” that you’ve put up in your heart that have hindered your ability to cultivate deep community. Let people in. Let people love you and walk with you through the difficult crevices of your past and present. The Body is a beautiful thing!